Weigh in day

So Saturday was weigh-in day. I lost one pound. Losing weight is like a see-saw to me. I feel as though after all the hard work I did last week I should have lost more. Part of me feels disappointed in myself. The other part of me though says you lost a pound.... you didn't gain anything. I desperately try to stay positive and move on and pray to the weight gods that I lose more this week. As I said before, it feels like it is taking FOREVER to get this weight off!!! But I am determined and have already decided that no matter what happens, I WILL stick with this!

On another note...... I decided before starting all of this that I would have a cheat day every week. Without this day I wouldn't be able to stick with the whole program. So Saturday is my cheat day. I weigh in and then for the rest of the day, eat what I want and not count points. When Sunday rolls around I start my week out right. So usually my mom and I go out to breakfast or lunch after we weigh in. This past Saturday was no different. We went out to lunch. We both got sanwiches (ok subs but sandwiches just sounds better). So we're sitting there and this attractive couple walks in. A very skinny attractive woman and what appeared to be her thin, in shape husband or boyfriend. I could hear them as they ordered their drinks both of which got water. So knowing I can hear them from where we were sitting, I see them both appear to glance my way and seem to start whispering. So I sit there wondering are they judging me because of what i'm eating? Are they looking at the fat girl thinking she shouldn't be eating that? Now this is just my mind working overtime, they very well could have not even noticed me nor cared about what I was eating. This got me thinking though. How often do we judge others? These people don't know how hard I work on a daily basis, nor do they know that i've lost 16lbs and this is my "cheat day." How often do you judge someone not knowing a thing about them? I know i've done it, but now I think twice about stuff because I know what i'm going through.

So it's Monday, Memorial Day actually (thank you to all the soldiers)! I had no plans today so I spent several hours cleaning. Hopefully I burned some calories because there was no Zumba this evening. So the work week begins tomorrow and I can start it knowing that i'm one pound less than I was last week. YAY me! :)

When the journey began

So i've decided to start this blog to chronicle my weight loss or lack there of depending on the week. I'm doing this for me so that I can look back and see how I struggled week to week, to see my success, and to just remember this journey.

I'm 30 years old and have struggled with my weight all my life. I have been a yo yo dieter for as long as I can remember. I've watched my weight go up, down, and back up again. I joined weight watchers during my freshman year of college and lost close to 70lbs. So I know it works. Yet even after making this major accomplishment, I put it all back on and then some.

I met the love of my life in 2009. Like all relationships, I became comfortable and put weight on. My wonderful boyfriend loves me for me and I know this. I decided just about 14 weeks ago that I was tired of being fat and I was ready to change that. So I joined weight watchers again. The weight loss has been extremely slow. But I keep telling myself that it didn't come on overnight and it's certainly not going to come off overnight. So after almost 14 weeks (14 weeks will be Saturday) I have lost 15lbs.

About 9 weeks ago I joined the gym and found something else that I have come to love..... Zumba. I have met some wonderful people and my instructors are awesome! I have continued to stay motivated to go to zumba at least 3 times a week and I sometimes go up to 5 times a week. Weight loss isn't easy. If you've never been here then you have no idea what it's like to struggle day to day.

My cousin wrote a blog about her daughter and how she didn't want her to grow up being known as the "fat kid." I too grew up with that label and have carried it with me as i've gotten older. So many people say you are so pretty or you're beautiful. That's nice and all but you know they're thinking you'd be prettier if you were thinner.

I have had low self esteem all my life. I have felt bad about myself all my life. I really want to change that and am slowly trying to work on my confidence. Mike makes me feel beautiful every day yet at the end of the day I look in the mirror and still hate what I see.

I am going to bed satisfied that I burned 1,384 calories at the gym this evening. I weigh in on Saturday morning and am hoping that the scale reflects all the hard work i've put in this week because it gets tough when you get on the scale and it's not the number you want. But for now, i'm proud of me for sticking with this and am determined to stick with it. If you've read this far, thank you. Until next time!